In a few days I will be giving my testimony at church and as I’ve thought a LOT about this, it feels like I’ve had about a million downloads in my mind about what to share.
The Lord has guided me for over 40 years and I want to testify of Him and His great love for me.
I will be writing a longer post about this, and if the recording of what I share is audible enough, I will also post it on here.
In short, here is what I want to share in my testimony.
I wasn’t raised in a godly home. My mother was a sociopath (yes, a real one) and my father ultimately abandoned his God given role as provider and protector.
God used Christian TV in its infancy before it was so full of false teaching, to plant seeds about how much He loved me. I prayed “that sinners prayer” when I was around 10 but had no clue what it meant. My great uncle would watch Christian TV with me, as he molested me.
My great uncle (because that was who he was by relation) sexually abused me from the time I was 6 to around 14 and he had access to me because my mother made me the meal ticket. She divorced my father, to go and be sexually with her uncle. He paid the way because my mother exchanged me for money. To put it more bluntly, my mother sex trafficked me. She would take my two brothers places and intentionally leave me home with my great uncle so he had plenty of time to molest me.
My mother was married three times and because of that we moved a lot. I went to 4 elementary schools, 2 middle schools and 1 high school. When I was in high school I joined choir and fellow classmate, Gail, told me about Jesus more clearly and I believed on His name and was saved.
After I got saved my mother accused me of being in a cult and refused to let me have a bible. Since there was a new Christian club on campus, I went to that and Gail smuggled me a bible to read and I read that bible in secret for years.
After I got saved, literally within a few weeks, the neighbors moved out next door to me and God moved a Filipino Christian family next door and they invited us to attend church. They had teenagers my age and my brother’s age. My mother let my brother go and banned me. After many years and fights, my mother eventually let me go to the church.
Once I was able to go to church, the Lord gave me the courage to talk to the pastor and tell him that I was being sexually abused and needed help. That senior pastor, named Fred, did nothing except tell me to go and tell someone at my high school. Fred and none of the other church leadership ever asked me if I was safe and needed anything else.
God gave me the courage to actually go tell another adult at my high school and she called the police and the police came out and arrested my great uncle. The police talked to me about what happened to me and Officer Stephen Lane, who turned out to be a Christian man, listened to me and with the evidence I presented to them, they were able to arrest my great uncle and put him behind bars for 20 years.
After that, my mother threatened to kill me if I didn’t recant my story of abuse to the police and she forced me to do that. She made me go to the police and where I was questioned again, I told them I lied about it all, under duress. The police knew I was being forced to lie because they had enough evidence to put him in jail for 20 years. Some of that evidence included nude pictures of me.
During all of this time I had been reading the bible and learning about Jesus. I devoured the scriptures as much as I could. I memorized a verse a day and I would go and tell my friends on campus about Jesus. I became a leader in the Christian club and by the time high school ended the club had grown from 2 students to around 50.
The Lord also gave me favor with my teachers and they honored me by naming me as part of the school Fidelia Court and also appointed me to give a prayer at my graduation.
Meanwhile, most of my high school years was a nightmare at home because of the constant abuse from my mother, but eventually she was worn down by my Filippino neighbors and I was able to go to church. A few of the youth coaches, who were in their 20’s took me under their wing and taught me how to be a disciple. Sadly, a few of them had also been abused sexually.
A few months after I turned 18 I moved out on my own and then the Lord directed me to a therapist. I shared for the first time with that therapist what happened to me and she filed for Victim Witness Assistance and I was awarded $10,000 by the state of California for those crimes committed against me. After a few years of therapy with her, she gave me a mental health test that she determined showed her that there was no hope for me. So she abruptly ended our 2 year therapeutic relationship. This therapist also was a Christian.
I was devastated beyond words after the loss of this therapist and what she had done. But I was still reading the bible and still seeking the Lord in His word every day. By then I had gone to another church, I had met my future husband and I just knew that I needed to continue to get help.
I eventually ended up working at Focus on the Family under Dr. James Dobson at the time and a number of wonderful things happened there. Besides Officer Stephen Lane being a man that wanted to protect me, Dr. Dobson was one of the first Christian men who did come to my aid.
After calling upwards of 50 or so new therapists for help, I finally found a woman named Lisa, who took me as a client and ended up working with me for years to overcome the trauma I endured all of those years. She was the only one who would take my case, because it was so severe and she took it for very little pay. She is also a Christian.
Lisa and my husband Randall, walked with me through the painful recovery of abuse by a sociopathic mother and uncle and they showed me what real love is. All through this journey the Lord guided me and healed me with His word. I cannot emphasize enough, how important HIS WORD is.
Psalm 51:6 tells us that He desires truth in the inner parts. Psalm 139 tells us how much He loves us and knows everything about us. In Hebrews we’re told that He will never leave us or forsake us.
Romans 12 tells us that He will renew our minds and He has done that for me.
What’s interesting to note in my life is how through the years God placed believers in my life and some helped and others didn’t. People have often asked me what it was about my mom and her past that caused her to be so abusive and I am here to ask you why does that matter?
Part of why I am finally able to speak after 40 years of silence about my abuse history is because we finally live in a culture that allows the victims voices to matter.
Christians are called sheep and often we’re told that sheep are stupid and that they wander. But no one asks why the sheep wanders.
One reason I believe sheep wander is because they are abused by those who are supposed to take care of them. Ezekiel 34 is a sharp rebuke to the shepherds of Israel for that very thing.
The story of the Good Samaritan is also a story about abuse and who and who doesn’t help. In case you’re not aware the priest and Levite are the religious folks who don’t help. The Samaritan had compassion and he did.
Jesus is the One full of compassion and He understands abuse. Isaiah 53 tells us this. So if you’re someone here sitting in silence and you’re being abused or you were traumatized, as I was. Please know that I care. With Jesus and a few others, you can heal, your history can change forever.
I’ve been married 32 years this year and I have a wonderful Christian husband who has never lifted a finger to me or abused me in any way. He loves the Lord with all of his heart and when you do that, you can get through anything.
I am living proof of the life changing grace and mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ.
King David wrote in Psalm 23 that the Lord was his shepherd and he ended it with goodness and mercy shall follow him all the days of his life and he will live in the house of the Lord forever.
That’s what my Jesus does for those who believe Him and receive Him.
Thank you, Stacy for sharing such a personal and difficult testimony. Heartbreaking, brave and beautiful! ❤️
I usually say Thank You for sharing but let me emphasize “THANK YOU!!!”..The LORD is Amazing and powerful 🙏❤️❤️🙏🙏