Consider This - Alice Munro Knew Her Daughter Was Sexually Abused & Stayed with Her Abuser
As a certified Christian coach I work with women who have been sexually abused and traumatized by people who were in power over them as girls. So, when I read this news article today about famed Nobel prize winning author, Alice Munro, I had to comment. Thus this post.
Pictured: Anne Munro - source her obituary, which can be read here.
First, I need to give kudos to Andrea Robin Skinner, the youngest daughter of Alice Munro, for having the courage to speak up and tell the truth about her abusive mother. It is NEVER easy for any victim of sexual abuse to speak out and when it comes to sharing how their mother betrayed them, especially given how well loved this woman appeared to be, it’s even worse.
Andrea Robin Skinner has a lot of courage especially since her mother was an icon in the literary world and highly valued and loved. I know it would have driven me crazy to be silent all of these years and yet, having walked a similar path, I can totally understand why Andrea has chosen to speak out now.
I need to clarify a few things before I go on. Apparently the whole essay that Andrea wrote is published in The Toronto Star. I tried to read it, but it’s a paid piece and I’m not willing to pay to read it. Just being honest. So my commentary is based on what others have taken out of the Toronto piece and it appears there’s plenty that has been revealed. Enough for me to believe it’s legit.
Now for some highlights of the article that Andrea Robin Skinner wrote:
In her "heart-wrenching" essay, Skinner claims her late stepfather, geographer Gerald Fremlin, subjected her to years of abuse from the age of nine, after marrying Munro in 1976. Skinner, now 58, details how she went from being a "happy child" who was "active and curious" to suffering with "bulimia, insomnia and migraines".
She finally told her mother when she was in her 20s, she wrote, after Munro expressed sympathy for a girl in a short story who "dies by suicide after her stepfather sexually abuses her". But "in spite of her sympathy for a fictional character, my mother had no similar feelings for me" and was instead "overwhelmed by her sense of injury to herself". After Fremlin denied the abuse and "threatened retribution", the family went "back to acting as if nothing had happened".
According to a separate article in the Toronto Star, Skinner cut off contact but finally decided to report Fremlin to the police in 2005 after reading an interview in which her mother described having a "close relationship" with her daughters. After pleading guilty to indecent assault, Fremlin, then 80, received a suspended sentence and two years' probation. Munro stayed with him until his death, in 2013. Source: The Week
The Week goes on to share this about Andrea’s siblings and why she released this information now.
Skinner reportedly decided to publish her essay after reconnecting with her three siblings, Andrew, Jenny and Sheila. They "supported her coming out publicly with what is sure to put their mother’s reputation in a much different light". But Skinner "made clear" that going public was not about revenge.
This "story isn't about celebrities behaving badly”, she told the Star, but rather about the "patterns of silencing, the tendency to do that in families and societies".
Now a few thoughts…
First, some may be wondering why Andrea didn’t tell her mother earlier about the abuse. That’s easy, it’s never easy for any survivor of sexual abuse to tell anyone what has happened. There’s also this little thing called a trauma bond that is pretty common in abusive family systems. Andrea clearly only felt safe enough to tell her mother what happened in her twenties after nothing that her mother wrote about it in a short story that she wrote. Sadly, and tragically and dare I say, criminally her mother responded. Honestly, like my mother, should have spent time behind bars, Andrea’s mother should have also.
The very fact that Andrea’s siblings also stayed silent and that they also support her in now coming out, is all the validation that I need to know that she’s telling the truth. This is exactly how a closed abusive family system works.
Alice Munro was a woman who cared more about her well being than she did her own daughter’s well being. She didn’t want her writing career to end. She didn’t want to take the hard way out and leave her pedophile husband.
Sadly, this story is not uncommon. My own mother did the same thing. She handed me over to be sexually abused by her uncle so that “she” could keep a roof over our heads. I told her when I was 14, after being subjected to over a 8 years of sexual abuse. Not once did she apologize to me. Not once did she defend me. Not once. It was all about her and her comfort.
My mother also made it clear that no one in our family discussed it. The conspiracy of silence is a very real thing, as you can see from Andrea’s story.
It’s amazing to me that I know there are people even reading this right now, who have a million excuses as to WHY Andrea’s mother and mine, did what they did. Here are a few I’ve actually heard from Christians…
Maybe your mother was abused, which is why she didn’t do anything. To me, that’s the most important reason why a mother SHOULD do something. If she was abused, then she knows how horrible being sexually abused is.
Maybe your mother was being threatened by the abuser, so she didn’t do anything. Well, I was threatened by the abuser and if I didn’t do something I may be dead. No excuse. We have laws, police and programs to help victims of crime.
Your mom was dependent upon your abuser for food, clothing and a roof over your head and hers. What do you expect her to do, lose everything to stop the abuse and protect you? (Yes, people say stupid things like this.)
Well, it’s funny, in my case, when I contacted the police and all hell broke loose for her, she miraculously had to do something to protect me or else she would’ve ended up in jail. It was the last time her uncle touched me, and it just gave her license to continue to verbally and physically abuse me. Which she did.
I could go on but I’ll end this here. I am rejoicing that there is a lot of outrage about Alice Munro’s cowardice, abuse and criminal behavior. My only sadness is for her victim and that she didn’t pay for it in this life. God hold accountable people who abuse children and who allow abuse. I’ve seen it for years.
My prayer is for Andrea and her siblings to be able to heal, find the Lord and know that not all people hide or side with sexual deviant perverts who molest little girls. There are some healthy men and women out there. Consider this.